It was a typical day at the Elroy J. Catt residence. Elroy had made his early appearance into the big weird guys room.
“Quit tap dancing on my head.” The big weird guy said.
To which Elroy responded “Meow.” Which is cat language for “Rise and shine, monkey boy. I’m hungry, and the sun is almost up.”
“It’s three thirty in the morning and don’t call me monkey boy.” The big weird guy said.
“Meow.” Replied Elroy, which is cat language for “Hey you’re closer to a primate than I am Mr. Opposable Thumbs.”
“What ever. I’m not getting up right now.” The big weird guy grumbled.
“Meow.” Said Elroy, which is cat language for “What ever I am just going to lay here and lick your ear until you do. Enjoy your nap.”
Later that morning when the caring woman awoke she walked into the kitchen to see the big weird guy drinking his fourteenth cup of coffee.
“What time did you wake up?” She asked.
“Three forty-one” The big weird guy said. “Elroy came in at three thirty and woke me up.”
“I heard you two arguing. Was he licking your ear again or sticking his toe in your nose?” She asked.
“He started with the ear licking, then he fell asleep and started snoring and that is what woke me up.” The big weird guy said.
“He’s still in there snoring up a storm.” The caring woman responded.
“Awe hell naw!” The big weird guy exclaimed. “Elroy, get your butt up and get in here and eat.”
The big weird guy shook Elroy awake to which Elroy said “Meow”, which is cat language for “Two eggs over easy, some bacon and do not put the gravy on the biscuits.”
“Eggs and bacon my big hairy foot. Get your butt out of my bed and get in here and eat, you were hungry this morning when you woke me up so get in here.” The big weird guy growled.
Elroy reluctantly climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee he said ” Meow.” Which is cat language for “Don’t burn the bacon.”
To which the caring woman said “Don’t you worry about the bacon just drink your coffee and go outside, we have a big day today.”
“Meow?” asked Elroy, which is cat language for “Are we taking the big weird guy to the pound?”
“No.” Said the caring woman.
“Meow?” Asked Elroy, which is cat language for are we trimming the big weird guys ear hair, because he has some really gnarly ear hair?”
“No.” The caring woman responded. “Today is the day my daughter and her sons are moving in with us.”
“Meow?” Elroy inquired. “You mean the painted girl, and the two miniature humanoids ?”
“Those are tattoos and those are not miniature humanoids they are children.” She said.
“Meow.” Said Elroy, which is cat language for “Great if things get tough we can eat the small ones.”
“You are not eating my grandkids!” The caring woman exclaimed.
“Meow.” Said Elroy, which is cat language for “You say that now, but just wait a couple of weeks when we are stranded and the food supplies run low.”
Later that day when all the boxes had been moved and everyone was getting settled Elroy approached the big weird guy.
“Meow.” He said which is cat language for “The older one keeps asking me stuff and the younger one speaks some other language. I think he is a martian.”
“He’s not a martian. He’s two and he hasn’t learned all the intricacies of our language yet.” The big weird guy said.
“Meow.” Said Elroy, which is cat language for “Well he better hurry up and catch on or how is he going to know when to feed me?”
“He won’t be feeding you.” The big weird guy said.
“Meow.” Replied Elroy, which is cat language for “Well him or the one that screeches all the time or the painted girl better learn to feed me, because you and the caring woman and the loud boy are doing a really shoddy job of it.”
“What? Asked the big weird guy in an exasperated tone. “When you first moved in here you would eat turnip greens and now you want to get all picky about it?”
“Meow.” Stated Elroy, which is cat language for “Well I have evolved since then.”
Elroy walked off through the house and disappeared.
A short time later the big weird guy was relaxing in his recliner when he heard a blood curdling scream. It was the painted girl.
“Holy fish hooks and Cardio! What is it?” The big weird guy asked.
“I was about to put up my clothes and opened my dresser drawer and BOOM, Elroy was in the dresser.” she said.
“What the heck were you doing in the dresser Elroy?” The big weird guy asked.
“Meow.” Replied Elroy, which is cat language for “I thought it was a bed and breakfast.”
“Well it’s not. It’s my dresser, where I keep my clothes.” The painted girl responded.
“Meow?” Asked Elroy, which is cat language for ” So you mean I am not getting a grilled cheese sandwich? I guess that does explain why the mini fridge wasn’t stocked.”
“No you aint getting no grilled cheese sammitch.” The big weird guy said, “Wait you have a mini fridge in your dresser?” he asked turning to the painted girl.
“That’s a shoe box.” The painted girl said pointing to the shoe box.
“Meow.” Said Elroy as he walked out of the room, which is cat language for “Well that explains the cheese smell.”
Join us next time when we hear the caring woman tell the painted girl. “When you go to start the dryer always check for Spookie and before you dump the clothes into the washer always check for Elroy.”
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Automatic Cat Feeder
He’s a mess!