Elroy J. Catt
It was a typical Saturday afternoon at the big weird guys house.
The loud boy was in the kitchen fixing himself some pizza rolls.
He sang tragically off tune as he waited for the pizza rolls to cool off some so that he could eat them.
“Mmmm. Pizza Rolls.” He said aloud as he gathered a plate to put them in.
It was about that time that Elroy J. Catt, teleported in from the outside.
“Meow.” Said Elroy, which is cat language for “Hey, is someone cooking pizza rolls, that is my favorite fruit, next to pizza itself.”
“NO ELROY!” Screeched the loud boy as he tried to brush Elroy away from the bowl of pizza rolls and furthermore out of the kitchen.
Utilizing all of his Ninja skills in addition to some moderate parkour, Elroy deftly avoided the loud boy and gave him a leg sweep, knocking him off balance and into the open refrigerator.
“Hey! You dang crazy cat!” said the loud boy as he wiped Worcestershire Sauce off his head and turned to the refrigerator. “Who left the fridge door open?” he asked.
Just as the loud boy reached for the plate of pizza rolls, Elroy sprayed him directly in the face with mustard.
“Meow.” Said Elroy, calmly. That’s cat language for “Ha! Take that you ruffian.”
“I aint no Russian!” Exclaimed the loud boy. “I am pure bred American and you know it.”
“Meow.” Said Elroy. That’s cat language for “I said ruffian, not Russian, you illiterate hairless monkey.”
” First, I’m not illiterate and second, I have hair” Said the loud boy, ” And my parents were married.”
“Meow.” Said Elroy. That’s cat language for “You mean they let you graduate high school?”
Elroy then grabbed the plate of pizza rolls and ran from the kitchen with the loud boy running behind trying to catch him.
Just as the loud boy made a diving tackle attempt, Elroy ran under the coffee table.
KABLAM!
“Ugh.” Said the coffee table as the loud boy slammed into it, or maybe it was the loud boy since no one actually saw the coffee table’s lips move.
Getting up from the floor and then kicking the coffee table the loud boy shouted. “OOOOGAAAFLOOOBAAMUFFLERDRIVINHAMSAMMITCH!!!!! Or something of that nature as he stubbed his pinky toe.
Sitting down in the floor and then looking at his pinky toe the loud boy exclaimed. “All I wanted was some stinking pizza rolls.”
Elroy being Elroy J. Catt then said “Meow.” Which is cat language for, “I’ve got some pizza rolls and if you want I will share them with you.”
“AAAAGGGH!” Shouted the loud boy. “I saw you, you licked them all. Why would I want cat licked pizza rolls?”
“Meow.” Said Elroy. Which is cat language for, “Suit yourself.”
It was at that moment the Worcestershire Sauced and mustardized loud boy noticed one more pizza roll on the pan. “AHA!” He shouted as he hobbled his way back to the kitchen.
Just as the loud boy was reaching for the last pizza roll, the refrigerator door was slammed into his face.
“KAWHAP!” Said the refrigerator door.
“KAFLOOMP!” Said the loud boy as he fell to the floor.
“Meeeeee.” Said Spookie Marie Moosebaum. Which is cat language for “Awe Elroy, you saved me a pizza roll. How nice.”
“Meow.” Responded Elroy which is cat language for “I actually didn’t see that one.”
“Dangit!” Said the loud boy, “I guess I will just fix me a ham sammitch.”
“Meow.” Said Elroy as he finished the last pizza roll. That’s cat language for “Ham? Why ham is my favorite vegetable right behind Soy sauce, but way in front of broccoli.”
Tune in next time when we here the loud boy say….
“Honest Elroy. I don’t know who pooped in your food bowl.”
To which Elroy replied. “Meow.” Which is cat language for, “That’s okay. I don’t know who passed worms in your bowl or Raman noodles.”
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