It all started innocently enough, I was out in my garage trying to organize my tools, fishing reels, weights and lumber that I use to build stuff, when a freaking rat runs across the floor.
I hate rats. I’m not talking full blown ricochet panic thing but I just hate the little disease spreading bastards. They hardly ever sit still long enough to shoot.
After putting three bullet holes through the back door, the freezer and a tackle box, the rat got pissed off and did a full on frontal assault. Thinking fast I grabbed a tennis racquet and whacked the little sucker sending him or her to Valhalla.
Throwing the tennis racquet aside I glanced over at the broom laying on the floor. So keeping one eye on the rat to make sure he didn’t revive himself and come after me (zombie rats are a real pain the ass), I grabbed the broom handle and picked it up. Apparently I missed the broom handle and grabbed the snake that crawled into the garage to get the rats.
I’m not real sure but when I flung him or her out into the driveway, I could have sworn it called me a name that rhymed with bon of a witch.
After regaining my footing I noticed the rat was still where I knocked it and the snake was limping out of the drive, cursing me under its breath.
I swept the rat outside and over to my home-made catapult then launched that sucker of course it flew over the fence and into the neighbors yard, where the neighbor just so happened to be walking with a hoe in her hand trying to kill a mumbling, cussing snake.
When the rat fell out of the sky and landed by her feet, my neighbor panicked and threw the hoe into the street where it struck the windshield of a garbage truck, causing the driver to lose control and run into the telephone pole.
The telephone pole fell over ripping down the power lines on our block, putting everyone without power while simultaneously starting a small fire three houses down.
Luckily the fire department is only two blocks away and they were able to save the foundation of that house.
Of course all the smoke drove all the rats from the nearby meadows into the first safe spot they could find. You guessed it. My garage.
Now if all this happened from killing on rat, what are the odds that if I kill a lot of rats we will have floods of Biblical proportions?