Tips from Tarzan, The Lord of the Jungle gives you some helpful hints.

First thing we thought we would do is let Tarzan share some of his knowledge with us, surely having learned a lot from surviving in the jungle for as long as he has. So without further ado here he his.This Tarzan, me going to share knowledge with you, so you survive in jungle too.Never use hedgehog for toilet paper.Never jump out from behind tree and yell “Boogity boogity boogity” at Rhino, not good not good at all.When putting on loin cloth make sure animal not alive.Never eat Marula fruit, you wake up with hyena.If it seem good idea at time and you fall into crevasse, it probably not good idea.If playing leap frog with rhino, make sure you jump far.Never sling poo at Cheeta, him professional you no win.

Never moon wart hog. Wart hog no have sense of humor.

Never soak wart hog ravaged behind, in crocodile river, not good not good at all.Try all you want but you no can kick ostrich in cojones.Meerkats make good toilet paper, but them no like it.Always hold meerkat head FIRMLY  if using it for toilet paper.Meerkat have sharp little teeth. Not good, not good at all.Never stare too long at elephant, cause lion sneak up behind you and bite butt. Damn sneaky lion.Never try to ride porcupine, not good not good at all.You no win argument with hippo, them very stubborn and have bad breath.Never go to dinner at savage cannibal village, all they serve is lost explorer, the other white meat.Elephants no have graveyard. Dummy! Them no got shovels to dig grave with.Never whack elephant with big stick, Tarzan whack elephant with big stick once, elephant then whack big stick with Tarzan.Stars show up in daytime when elephant whack you against tree repeatedly.Hyena no good to discuss quantum physics with.Howler monkey make good siren when playing cops and robbers, real good when you put him on rhino horn.Rhino no like howler monkey when it planted on rhino horn.Cheetah very fast but Tarzan faster especially when being chased by warthog, warthog no have sense of humor.Timone and Pumba cute in cartoon, but in real life them nasty bastards.Lion roar can be heard for five miles, Tarzan squeal can be heard for twenty miles when playing leap frog with rhino. Not good not good at all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *