Time To To Switch.

So I finally get used to Windows xp and I find out it will no longer have updates.
Dang it!

Seems they did this crap to me just as I was finally figuring out windows 98.

I checked out windows vista and thought, Wow that is crap. So I figured I would move on up to Windows 7. Which I like, however the fine folks at microsoft decided they could stick it to their consumers and release windows 8 really fast behind windows 7, with 8 being there to try to compete with all the android stuff.
Not going to happen for this old redneck. I have already switched my older xp computers over to various distros of Linux before finally settling on Mandriva (which looks like is going the way of the buffalo) and Mint..
So I reckon I will be switching all my older pcs over to Mint.
As soon as windows 7 becomes obsolete I guess I will be switching my newest one over to a Linux distro as windows 8 is not an option. If I want android I would stick with my tablet or get a freaking phone.

Personally I think mikersofty should work on the quality of their operating systems instead of trying to release a new version every two years. can anyone remember Windows ME, 2000 or Vista, they all sucked pretty bad.
Of course I could get one of the over priced Macs and become a computer snob like so many other Mac users I know (just kidding for all you computer snobs).

Anyone have any comments on what they think the best version of Linux is, post em below.

Damn it’s too hot to fish.

I bet Blake Shelton don’t  have to deal with this stuff.

What Are The Odds?

It all started innocently enough, I was out in my garage trying to organize my tools, fishing reels, weights and lumber that I use to build stuff, when a freaking rat runs across the floor.

I hate rats. I’m not talking full blown ricochet panic thing but I just hate the little disease spreading bastards. They hardly ever sit still long enough to shoot.

After putting three bullet holes through the back door, the freezer and a tackle box, the rat got pissed off and did a full on frontal assault. Thinking fast I grabbed a tennis racquet and whacked the little sucker sending him or her to Valhalla.

Throwing the tennis racquet aside I glanced over at the broom laying on the floor. So keeping one eye on the rat to make sure he didn’t revive himself and come after me (zombie rats are a real pain the ass), I grabbed the broom handle and picked it up. Apparently I missed the broom handle and grabbed the snake that crawled into the garage to get the rats.

I’m not real sure but when I flung him or her out into the driveway, I could have sworn it called me a name that rhymed with bon of a witch.

After regaining my footing I noticed the rat was still where I knocked it and the snake was limping out of the drive, cursing me under its breath.

I swept the rat outside and over to my home-made catapult then launched that sucker of course it flew over the fence and  into the neighbors yard, where the neighbor just so happened to be walking with a hoe in her hand trying to kill a mumbling, cussing snake.

When the rat fell out of the sky and landed by her feet, my neighbor panicked and threw the hoe into the street where it struck the windshield of a garbage truck, causing the driver to lose control and run into the telephone pole.

The telephone pole fell over ripping down the power lines on our block, putting everyone without power while simultaneously starting a small fire three houses down.

Luckily the fire department is only two blocks away and they were able to save the foundation of that house.
Of course all the smoke drove all the rats from the nearby meadows into the first safe spot they could find. You guessed it. My garage.
Now if all this happened from killing on rat, what are the odds that if I kill a lot of rats we will have floods of Biblical proportions?

 

So Let Me Get This Straight…..

The head of the I.R.S. Lied to the American people.

The head of the C.I.A. Lied to the American people.

The head of the N.S.A. Lied to the American people.

The Attorney General lied to the American people.

The Ambassador to the U.N. Lied to the American people.

The Secretary of State lied to the American people.

The President of the United States lied to the American people.

Almost every member of Congress (Republican and Democrat) has lied to the American people.

Mainstream Media lied to the American people.

Edward Snowden told the truth…….

……and he’s the bad guy.

What’s wrong with this picture?

When Slick Willie’s buddy was selling technological and nuclear secrets to the North Koreans that was okay.

When Barry Obama’s people were leaking story after story that was okay.

When Dick Cheney was getting kickbacks from the wars that was okay, well maybe less okay according to the press.

The truth is, if this were a Republican administration the mainstream media would be all over each and every one of the scandals that have erupted in the last year, screaming for the head of the president and everyone involved right down to the white house chef.

But for some reason Barry gets a pass.

It’s time that Americans started taking their country back. Vote out all of these lowlifes and put in some new ones.

One other thing while I am on my soapbox. People who claim to be Christians and voted for any democrat really piss me off.

You are LIARS. There is no way a true Christian would vote for a democrat and if you say you are one I say you are a liar. Pure and simple.

A Christian is not for gay marriage nor are they for the murder of innocent children and if you voted democrat you are for those things, whether you want to admit it or not.

Even if you take the word of God out of the equation which so many democrats and liberals want to do. Gay marriage is unnatural.  Two bucks cannot create a fawn, neither can two does.

It takes a male and a female of the species to procreate. Even in the plant world plants have to have a male and a female.
So get over your hypocrisy and quit trying to make your perversions seem right.

Have a differing opinion, feel free to comment, just be warned that profanity and name calling will be edited.

 

 

One Fine Day In The Oval Office

We enter the Oval Office to find …… nobody. Not a soul. No one at all.
Why? Because they are out in a boat cruising around in the Atlantic Ocean.

nina pic

Obama – Joe. Quit singing Sixteen men on a dead mans chest.

1 (3)

Biden – Awe okay. Hey big bassoon, why are we out in this boat?

1 (16)

Obama – Well Joe it’s for two reasons. One, this boat is an analogy  of the current situation of America….

Biden – And the other reason?

Obama – The guy that is writing this couldn’t scan the picture he drew onto his computer to add to this story.

Biden – Ha! That’ll learn him to buy the cheap printer.

Obama – Anyway in this story we are out here in the ocean in this boat with these holes in it.
The ocean represents a sea of taxes. The holes in the boat represents government spending and each stream of water coming in represents issues such as obamacare, entitlement programs and foreign aid.

Biden – What is that great big one?

Obama – That’s the national debt.

Biden – What is the one with the plug in it?

Obama – Military spending.

Biden – Why is it plugged off?

Obama – Cause  I feel like our military is bloated and doesn’t really need anything. Besides the world loves me, we would never come under attack for anything by any foreign country.

Biden – What about Benghazi?

Obama – Oh that is just fiction, like those rocks represent over there. (Pointing to rocks that represent, Fast and Furious, IRS, Acorn, Voter Fraud, Benghazi, Immigration Enforcement, and other assorted lies and scandals).

Biden – We seem to be sinking, should we start bailing out the water?

Obama – Naa, just toss a few more taxpayers overboard.

Biden – Okay. (He tosses a few more taxpayers overboard) Hey all these rats leaving this boat should help lighten the load a good bit.

Obama – That’s just the mainstream media getting out while the getting is good.

Biden – Why are you drilling more holes in the boat?

Obama – To let the water drain faster.

Biden –  I’ll throw in a few more taxpayers.

Obama – Good, we have to lighten this ship as much as possible.

Biden – Well I have tossed in all the taxpayers and military personnel that we had.

Obama – Good that makes room for those immigrants that are stranded on those rocks.

Biden – Won’t that make the boat heavier again?

Obama  – You’re right Joe. (Picks up his drill again and starts drilling.

Biden – Boss I think you’re going about this all wrong.

Obama – What do you mean Joe? Are you getting common sense or something? You’re not turning into a libertarian are you?

Biden – No I just mean that this doesn’t seem quite right.

Obama – You mean sacrificing the taxpayers and businesses for the people who pay no taxes and only drain our system?

Biden – No I mean you keep drilling holes.

Obama – Yes it’s to let the water out.

Biden – Yes. But you should get a shotgun it will make bigger holes quicker.

Joe Biden

Obama – Good point, that will teach those idiots that believe in the constitution to block my gun bans.

 

Tune in next time when we hear;

Biden – Hey is that the great white whale, Moby Dick over there?

Obama – No that’s just Barney Frank sunbathing nude again.

One Fine Day In The Oval Office

We enter the Oval Office to find a distraught Barack Obama, talking to Joe Biden.

Obama – Joe, this shit is getting bad. Benghazi, Fast and Furious, The  I.R.S. , all of this crap is taking a toll on me.

Biden – I know bosserooni, and now it seems the press is turning on you, too.

Obama – I’m wondering what the heck I should do.

Biden – Buy a shotgun.

Obama – What?

Biden – This is a big f***ing deal.

Obama – I know it’s a big deal.

Biden – Millions and millions of people agree with me on this.

Obama – On what?

Biden – Oh, sorry big kahuna I was just looking over all my usual talking points to see if I could find something to help you.

Obama – Well it aint working, Joe.

Biden – Hey at least we got the I.R.S. to go after that guy in Alabama that makes fun of you on his website.

Obama – Which one is that.

Biden – The one that writes that one fine day in the oval office stuff.

Obama – Yes but that is one fish in a large pond.

Biden – I thought his site was fishy.

Obama – Of course he also made fun of W. when he was president.

Biden -Yeah, but that was different, W. is not the messiah that you are. Although  I do love his pelosi jokes.

Obama – There is no bigger joke than Nancy herself.

Biden – True dat!

Obama – So what do I do about my scandal riddled presidency. Maybe I should just pack up and go home.

Biden – Yeah that would be the thing. Nixon resigned before he was impeached.

Obama – Yeah, but Bill was impeached and not removed from office.

Biden – Well, if I have any say in the matter you can bet your ass that you will be removed from office.

Obama – Thanks Joe…. wait what?

Biden – Yep then they won’t have nobody to pick on or make fun of but Uncle Joe Biden.

Obama – So you want me out of office too?

Biden – Did I say that out loud?

Join us next time after the author of this gets done dealing with the irs  (seriously) and hopefully we will have something funny to say.

 

 

Resting Up For Golf.

Well deer season has come and gone, Christmas is over, no more football, and it’s still too cold to fish. So what do you do during this time of the year?
Some folks I know start getting in shape for other hobbies like golf.
Personally I don’t play golf. Bad things happen when I get a hold of a golf club. Sure there are the chip shots that go the wrong way wreaking havoc on an unsuspecting population that most people have.
Not me though.
When I walk onto a golf course things get bad, I’m talking Tokyo after Godzilla bad.
Not that it’s really my fault mind you, it’s just that there are some people that the universe smiles on for somethings and frowns on for others.  Me + Golf Clubs = Universe having a conniption.
The plague of hornets is one instance, the rat infestation is another and I’m not even going to go into the great lightning strike of ’09.

If you are one of those folks that the universe doesn’t mind  seeing with golf clubs then I can only recommend that you start getting yours prepared now.
Do an inventory, make sure they are all straight, shiny and in good order.
If not then check out some of the sweet deals from


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They offer free shipping on orders over 199.00  and they have a knowledgeable staff that will help you out with any problems you might have. Okay let me rephrase that as long as you don’t have the same type of problems I have, they can pretty much help you out.
I think the motorized garden weasel attack of 2007 left them pretty much speechless. It also got me banned from playing golf in two states and one Asian country (even though I never played golf in that country).
It was like a scene from a Stephen King movie, Maximum Overdrive or maybe it was Carrie, either way no one was seriously injured or  should I say permanently injured thanks to the wonders of modern medicine.

Here are some things I learned from my golfing experiences.

Although improbable, multiple ricochets from a single golf ball are not impossible.

Hornets can fly faster than a golf cart can travel.

Ducks are not your friends.

No matter what kind of metal a club is made from it can still bend when it comes in contact with another object at a high rate of speed.

Self propelled landscaping equipment is the devil.

Although usually harmless, a marauding herd of rats will still give you the heebie jeebies.

Lightning can strike anytime, anywhere and there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it.

A ricocheting golf ball at groin level is painful.

Sometimes gloves do not keep a club from slipping out of your hand.

The old man that wears those funny britches and plays every Saturday packs a gun.

I no longer play or attempt to play golf, since I got those letters from the department of Homeland Security and the drones started following me around every time I got within a mile of a golf course, but for those of you with better luck, that really enjoy the game I really must recommend.

One Fine Day In The Oval Office

We enter the Oval Office to find an irritated Barack Hussein Obama  along with Joe Biden, Dianne Feinstein, Charles Schumer, Micheal Bloomberg, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton.

Obama – This little guy is driving me crazy, can’t we do something about him?

Obama, Lord of the flies

Hillary – Do you want me to get my flyswatter, oh great one?

Obama – I aint talking about the fly you beastly woman, I am talking about Biden. I’ve named him Lenny.

Schumer – You named Biden, Lenny?

Obama – No I named the fly Lenny, I’ve named Biden Dumbass.

Schumer – Are you calling me a dumbass?

Obama – Well I wasn’t at the time. But I was actually talking about Biden being a dumbass and the fly being named Lenny because he’s my little buddy.

Pelosi – Biden’s your little buddy?

2 (3)

Obama – No dammit. The fly named Lenny is my little buddy. Biden’s my pain in the butt.

Hillary – Oh I see. So you want someone to whack Biden with a fly swatter.

Pelosi – I’ll do it! I’ll do it.

2 (9)

Biden – Huh? What did I do this time?
Huh?
Feinstein – You know exactly what you did, Joe.

Biden – No, No I don’t.

Bloomberg – Yeah, I believe Joe on this one, he never knows what he does, even when he’s doing it.

Biden – Yeah what Putin said.

Hillary – Putin? What’s he got to do with this?

Biden (whispering and pointing to Bloomberg) – Shh! Hillary he’s sitting right there.

Bloomberg – You idiot! I am Micheal Bloomberg the Mayor of New York.

2 (7)

Biden – Ooohh. Sorry. Didn’t mean to blow your cover.

Obama – Can we get back to the problem at hand here?

Biden – Yeah. So what is your prob… I mean what is the problem, Bosserooni?

Feinstein – The problem is Joe, we are trying to ban guns, not give people alternatives.1 (24)

Biden  – I thought we were trying to ban assault rifles.

Feinstein – Well that’s the start but eventually we want them all.

Biden – Well we get them to give up those dangerous assault rifles that are hardly ever used in criminal activity and we are off to a good start.

Feinstein  – But you told everyone to buy a shotgun and stock up on shotgun shells.

Bloomberg – Shotguns are illegal in New York City…. or they will be.2 (7)

Biden – Well I was only trying to help save lives.

Pelosi – How was that helping.

Biden – Because it’s safer to get killed with a shotgun than it is with an assault rifle.

Hillary – Whaaaaaat?

Biden – Well figure it out. An assault rifle leaves tiny little holes in you. A shotgun up close blows a chunk out that I could park my old Buick in…

Schumer – You’re missing the point Joe…2 (2)

Biden – You could see slap through somebody after getting popped with my shotgun…

Bloomberg – Joe….

Biden  –  No meat grinder needed here baby, cause you’re hamburger….

Hillary – Not what we are ……

Biden – The Swissiest of Swiss cheese…

Schumer – Joe we are trying to ba….

Biden – D… O… Freaking A… Baby!

Obama – SHUT UP!  Everybody. Dang it Joe. You were giving people other  weapons to use as alternatives to our weapons ban.1 (21)

Feinstein  – Yes Joe. We are trying to disarm America not give them other weapons to use against our tyrannical, maniacal, farsical and magical take over of the country.

Biden – Oh what harm is showing them a little shot gun?

Obama – That was the AA-12 you were using. It’s fully automatic.1 (2)

Biden – But it’s not an assault rifle, it’s an assault shotgun.

Pelosi – You looked like FPS Russia using that thing.

1 (15)

Biden (points at Bloomberg and whispers) – Nancy you don’t need to be insulting the Russians right now.

2 (5)

Hillary – Good Lord.

Obama (leaning toward Hillary)  – Yes?

Hillary – What?

2 (11)

Obama – You called me.

Hillary – I meant the other Lord.

Obama – There will be no other lords before me.

Hillary – What difference does it make which lord is where.

Obama – Hillary. You’re Fired.

Hillary – Idiot, I was quitting anyhow as soon as John Kerry gets sworn in.

Biden (points at Bloomberg)  – Boss , you want Vladmir… I mean Mayor Bloomberg here to take her out and let her sleep with the fishes?

Obama – No, you ignorant cracker! Besides the mafia does that not the Mayor of New York.

1 (22)

Biden  (talking directly to Bloomberg) So can you do that dance where it looks like you are squatting down and trying to kick a football at the same time?

Bloomberg – I’m not Vladmir Putin, Dammit!

Biden – Ooooh witness protection, huh?

Bloomberg (looking at Obama) – Why did you pick this fool?

Obama – Cause if I get impeached, there aint no way they are going to remove me from office for him to take over.

Biden – Plus I know where the best burger joints are.

Bloomberg – Burgers are illegal in New York…. or they are going to be.2 (6)

At this time Hillary gets up and begins wondering around the room, looking under lamps, chair cushions, behind pictures and under the presidents desk.

Obama – Hillary? What are you doing?

Hillary – I know there has to be some of Bill’s stash hidden in here, somewhere.

Feinstein (pulls a tiny hand rolled cigarette looking item from her purse) – Here dear, have one of mine.. (Looks around the room) What? I have a prescription for this.

Bloomberg – Smoking is illegal in New York…. or it will be.

Biden (looking at Bloomber) – Hey Bloomers, don’t Bogart that joint man.

Joe Biden

Obama – Do it like I do my politics folks.

Schumer – What?

Biden – He means puff, puff, pass, dumbass.

Tune in next time when we hear John Kerry and Al Gore say, in unison – Hey smoking marijuana leads to global warming.

 

 

 

If Only

If only the press cared as much about barack obama’s lies as they do Manti Te’o being involved in one.
If only obama lying about Benghazi had as much coverage as Lance Armstrong lying about doping.
Something is seriously wrong with this picture.
How can the press be taken seriously when they refuse to tell the truth.
I listened to obama ramble the other day about how he protected the middle class and that taxes only went up on people making over 400,000 dollars a year.
Does anyone really believe that bullshit. My taxes went up effective 1-1-13 and trust me I make far less than 400,000 a year.
Then we hear the same president that is for partial birth abortions talking about “common sense measures that need to be taken if it only saves one child’s life“.
This same clown gets up on stage with children using them for back drops, while disparaging the NRA for making an advertisement about how obama’s children are protected by armed guards 24 hours a day, even at school.
Yet the same press that blasted Jenna and Barbara Bush say that obama’s children are off limits.
This president is a man that will use anything and anyone as a backdrop to further his agenda, from the flag draped coffins of our citizens killed overseas (Benghazi), to the elderly, to children, I swear if he thought it would help his cause he would use the bodies of the poor kids killed in Sandyhook, and our American press would be right there to make sure they photographed him in the best light.

 

What a disgrace.
Shame on you media.

Maybe one day the mainstream media will wake up and realize that what they are doing is wrong for this country in so many ways. But as long as idiots on both sides are around chances are it will never happen.

 

Which Side Of History….

Will you be on?

Never before has our government worked as hard to destroy the constitution and trample the rights of the people as they are now.


McNett Camo Form Protective Camouflage Wrap

With all of the gun control foolishness that is going on  in washington and the media now (I know I did not capitilize washington), the liberal propaganda machine is going wide open.

Hunters Specialties Camo Compac Camouflage Make-Up Kit

What none of these people realize is.
1. The second amendment was not written for hunting or target shooting, it was written so that the people would have the ability to overthrow a tyrannical government.

2. The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, gives one the right to defend themselves.
and a 105 pound woman regardless of having equal rights or not is not going to ward off a 220 pound rapist for very long.

3. Criminals always try to have an edge, they do not want to try to victimize someone that may have more of an edge than they have. An armed citizen is safer than an unarmed citizen. A criminal will always be able to get a gun if he doesn’t already have one.

4. If no one needs so called assault weapons then why does our government use them?  
If I do not need an assault weapon why should the people that work for me need one?
As soon as gun bans get in place the next questions will be;
Why does anyone need an SUV?
Why does anyone need a three story home?
Why does anyone need more land than they can farm?
Why does anyone need money in the bank that they are not spending?
Why does anyone need freedom of speech?


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Why does anyone think that they should let the government decide what you need.
Our government as a collective would not have enough sense to pour piss out of a boot.
They have bankrupted the post office, social security, medicare and millions of Americans. They cannot agree on what color or kind of toilet paper to use in the White house and cannot collectively pull their collective heads out of their collective asses to see whether or not the sun shines or not. and you want to let these idiots decide anything to do with your life, rights or well being.
Look at the nanny state the idiots in New York have going for them now.


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I see a lot of people talking about when the obama administration bans all guns they are going to protest and fight back and that our soldiers will not turn their weapons on American citizens and some police officers will help the citizens instead of trying to enforce unjust laws.
Folks you better think again. Our soldiers have  turned their guns on Americans before and they will do it again. Sure there might be a few that will take the side of justice and freedom but you can bet the majority will follow orders right to the tee and the same goes for the majority of police officers out there, when it comes down to it the police will be the first line of attack in any gun confiscation plan and you can bet your ass that most cops will carry your weapons out with a smile on their faces knowing they are about to get some tv time.

You have to ask yourself are you going to stand for freedom or are you going to be a slave to the government.
It’s time to get rid of corrupt democrats and republicans and elect people that are going to represent us.

Are you for the constitution or against it?

The question to ask yourself is “When a stand is made, what side of history am I going to be on?”

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Oh and while you are at it check out Dianne Feinstein’s new page Ha ha. A pro gun group has bought the domain name http://senatorfeinstein.com/ and set up a website. It’s great.

Priorities

All of my life I’ve been hearing about how I need to get my priorities straight.
Heck I don’t even know what my priorities are, much how to straighten them out.

I decided that I would do some research and try to straighten them out, in the event they were found to be crooked.
I questioned my wife as to what priorities were, only to receive her ‘Good grief you’re about ignorant’ look.

After helping her get her eyes rolled back into the proper perspective, I decided it would probably be best to search elsewhere for the answer.

Walking out the door and deciding it was such a nice day I took a little drive, which caused me to pass right by the Over the Cliff Bar and Grill.
The Over the Cliff Bar and Grill  was so named because the special of the day was whatever fell from the cliff that hung out over the bar.

Inside, I was met by the bartender. A  tall wiry built fellow with several scars, tattoos and at least four teeth, his name was Lude,  I’m not sure if he was named that for the way he tries to pick up women or for his use of prescription medications, or maybe both.
The only woman in two states that could tolerate him for more than fifteen minutes sober or drunk was Lynette the barmaid, short order cook, waitress, part-time bouncer, and taxidermist, if things got to rough for Lude he would holler for her to take care of it.

There was many a time when I would walk in and see Lynette throwing a poor slob out with one hand while skinning a slightly flatter than usual possum with her other hand and teeth.
Lynette was the only person I knew who carried a recipe book with her to the zoo.

On two occasions I actually saw the softer side of Lynette. One was  when child had wrecked his bicycle in front of the bar.
“Splat!  A little tobaccy juice works wonders on scrapes like that, why my paw used to do that for us if’n a bobcat or something got a holt of us.” She would say raising her leg up so the kid could see the scars on her calf.

The other occasion was when a stranger informed her that she was the prettiest woman he’d seen in a while, which lasted right up until she found out he had just gotten out of prison, and the bar was his first stop.

As I found a decent barstool and sat down she walked up and slapped me on the back so hard my eyes bulged out about three inches from my face.

“Armadillo’s the special today.” She said with a grin.

“No thanks.” I replied, putting my eyes back into their respective sockets. “I just ate a few minutes ago.”

“Bet it wasn’t as good as my cooking.” She said.

Knowing when to avoid a confrontation is one thing betraying my wife’s cooking is another, I prepared myself for the lumps that were about to come, looked her dead in the eye and said. “Of course not, why you’re the best cook in the whole world.”

“Yep and you had all better remember that.” She said looking around the bar.

I learned never argue with any one that can skin an alligator, with a nail file while whistling.

“Well are ya just gonna set there with that stupid look on yer face or are ya gonna order something?” She asked.

“I’ll have a beer.” I said.

“You look like you’re in deep thought about something.” Lude said looking up from the magazine he was reading.

“Yeah I’m trying to get my priorities straight but I don’t seem to know what they are.”

“Priorities?  Boy that’s kinda deep.  Hey, Lynette what are priorities?” Lude responded.

“What the hell do I look like a damn dictionary?” She asked.

“Dang I haven’t seen her like this in a while, what’s she in such a good mood for?” I asked.

“Her sister that won the lottery is coming to visit and she’s supposed to be bringing her a big check. She’s been happy as a lark like that all day.”

“What was that thing she mentioned looking like?” I asked.

“Some kinda bird or something I suppose.” Lude responded.

“It’s a book ya idiots,” She yelled from behind a pile of animal skins. “Ya know the kind ya look words up and it tells ya what they mean. Aw hell, ya couldn’t spell priorities no how, it means stuff ya have to do by means of which is the most important.”

After a moment or two of deep thought, which culminated with my falling off the barstool, I realized that my first priority was to quit falling asleep on barstools.

After getting that one straight I decided to head for the house, and see what other priorities I could come up with.

After about fifteen minutes worth of thinking which as fate would have it, was the exact time that it took to get to the house from the bar, I decided that my first priority should be to clean out my tackle box.

As I studied my tackle box, I realized that I should make sure of which lures I used and which ones I didn’t. Wanting to be precise I decided to go fishing just as sort of a way to be sure of what to keep and what to discard into my other box. While making the long walk out to my truck I realized that I couldn’t go fishing without a fishing license, so I figured I would have to make a stop by the store on my way to the creek.

I cranked up my old Chevy fishing truck and drove slowly to the store upon arriving at the store I realized that my first priority should have been to fix the brakes on the old truck.  Luckily no damage was done to the telephone pole that I ran into while executing my emergency stopping procedure. By the time I had gotten into the store and had renewed my fishing license word had already gotten out about the phone pole, being a man of priorities I knew that I had to leave before the phone people got there.

Starting my old fishing truck I headed out for the creek after crossing two ditches, a backyard or two, and Old man Richardson’s concrete barrier fence, I arrived at the creek. As I winched my truck out of the creek I noticed the cable was a bit frayed so I thought that replacing it should be my first priority when I got home.

After an uneventful episode of fishing, I loaded up my gear and decided to head for home.  Upon my arrival I accidentally ran over the mailbox in front of our house. I wasn’t too worried about it since old man Richardson was having enough of a conniption about his fence and his nervous cattle that he wouldn’t notice his mailbox.

My wife looked at me as I walked through the door as if she were surprised to see me back alive again. She always looks that way when I drive my fishing truck.

“Where have you been?” she asked, in her usual I see I can’t collect on my insurance policy yet, tone of voice.

“I’ve been out getting my priorities straight.” I said.

Oh really!” She said with just a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

“Yep, and I’m going to start on them right away.”

“Well I hope one of them is fixing old man Richardson’s fence, where you ran through it a while ago.”

“Heck it aint like his cows ever come to this side of the pasture anymore.” I replied

“He does seem to have some weird cows.” She said sarcastically.

“Yes, yes he does” I agreed.

“Well I reckon while I’m fixing the fence I may as well replace his mail box too.”

“Why don’t you fix the brakes on that truck while you’re at it?” She asked.

To someone that doesn’t fish there is no comprehension of the true meaning of fishing trucks.

After fixing the mailbox, I walked over to the fence, it was actually a concrete barrier that for some reason only separated my property from the Richardson farm. Luckily the barrier had only been ran over and was knocked out of place by about thirty feet, so all I had to do was move it back in place, Unlike the last time when the barrier had disintegrated upon collision with the front of my fishing truck.

Old Man Richardson came strolling across his pasture just as I was finishing up with his fence.

I could tell just by the look on his face that his religion was wearing a might thin.

Why don’t you fix them brakes on that truck?” He asked. “And quit running over everything in God’s creation.”

“Well that is one of my priorities.” I said, I didn’t tell him I just couldn’t remember which one.

“My cows is so shook up they only give cheese these days.” He informed me.

“Great, I’ll take five pounds of cheddar.” I said trying to lighten the moment.

I would never have thought that a ninety-eight year old man with emphysema could run that fast for that long. After about a quarter of a mile he dropped the pry bar he was chasing me with, and after about another quarter mile he stopped running. Judging from the language he used, I think he dropped his religion right after the cheese remark.

After fixing the fence and the mailbox and helping get Mr. Richardson into the ambulance, which wasn’t a pretty sight.

“Boy that old feller sure puts up a fight when we try to get that straight jacket on him.
I guess he’s to that age when he goes out of his head farely regularly.
Talking bout flying trucks, anti aircraft guns, and neighbors from hell.
He also said something about wanting to skin you alive.”  Said one of the paramedics.

“He sure is a strange bird.” Said the other.

“He goes into these little tirades every now and then.” I said.

“Yeah we see he has a history of nervous breakdowns.” The first paramedic said. “You believe he told us his cows were giving cheese instead of milk.”

“Heh heh heh,” I laughed. “Everybody knows you have to make the cheese from milk, I think he just needs to get his priorities straight.”

I think I’ll make fixing the brakes on that fishing truck my first priority, right after I finish my nap.