One Fine Day In The Oval Office

We enter the Oval Office to find an irritated Barack Hussein Obama  along with Joe Biden, Dianne Feinstein, Charles Schumer, Micheal Bloomberg, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton.

Obama – This little guy is driving me crazy, can’t we do something about him?

Obama, Lord of the flies

Hillary – Do you want me to get my flyswatter, oh great one?

Obama – I aint talking about the fly you beastly woman, I am talking about Biden. I’ve named him Lenny.

Schumer – You named Biden, Lenny?

Obama – No I named the fly Lenny, I’ve named Biden Dumbass.

Schumer – Are you calling me a dumbass?

Obama – Well I wasn’t at the time. But I was actually talking about Biden being a dumbass and the fly being named Lenny because he’s my little buddy.

Pelosi – Biden’s your little buddy?

2 (3)

Obama – No dammit. The fly named Lenny is my little buddy. Biden’s my pain in the butt.

Hillary – Oh I see. So you want someone to whack Biden with a fly swatter.

Pelosi – I’ll do it! I’ll do it.

2 (9)

Biden – Huh? What did I do this time?
Feinstein – You know exactly what you did, Joe.

Biden – No, No I don’t.

Bloomberg – Yeah, I believe Joe on this one, he never knows what he does, even when he’s doing it.

Biden – Yeah what Putin said.

Hillary – Putin? What’s he got to do with this?

Biden (whispering and pointing to Bloomberg) – Shh! Hillary he’s sitting right there.

Bloomberg – You idiot! I am Micheal Bloomberg the Mayor of New York.

2 (7)

Biden – Ooohh. Sorry. Didn’t mean to blow your cover.

Obama – Can we get back to the problem at hand here?

Biden – Yeah. So what is your prob… I mean what is the problem, Bosserooni?

Feinstein – The problem is Joe, we are trying to ban guns, not give people alternatives.1 (24)

Biden  – I thought we were trying to ban assault rifles.

Feinstein – Well that’s the start but eventually we want them all.

Biden – Well we get them to give up those dangerous assault rifles that are hardly ever used in criminal activity and we are off to a good start.

Feinstein  – But you told everyone to buy a shotgun and stock up on shotgun shells.

Bloomberg – Shotguns are illegal in New York City…. or they will be.2 (7)

Biden – Well I was only trying to help save lives.

Pelosi – How was that helping.

Biden – Because it’s safer to get killed with a shotgun than it is with an assault rifle.

Hillary – Whaaaaaat?

Biden – Well figure it out. An assault rifle leaves tiny little holes in you. A shotgun up close blows a chunk out that I could park my old Buick in…

Schumer – You’re missing the point Joe…2 (2)

Biden – You could see slap through somebody after getting popped with my shotgun…

Bloomberg – Joe….

Biden  –  No meat grinder needed here baby, cause you’re hamburger….

Hillary – Not what we are ……

Biden – The Swissiest of Swiss cheese…

Schumer – Joe we are trying to ba….

Biden – D… O… Freaking A… Baby!

Obama – SHUT UP!  Everybody. Dang it Joe. You were giving people other  weapons to use as alternatives to our weapons ban.1 (21)

Feinstein  – Yes Joe. We are trying to disarm America not give them other weapons to use against our tyrannical, maniacal, farsical and magical take over of the country.

Biden – Oh what harm is showing them a little shot gun?

Obama – That was the AA-12 you were using. It’s fully automatic.1 (2)

Biden – But it’s not an assault rifle, it’s an assault shotgun.

Pelosi – You looked like FPS Russia using that thing.

1 (15)

Biden (points at Bloomberg and whispers) – Nancy you don’t need to be insulting the Russians right now.

2 (5)

Hillary – Good Lord.

Obama (leaning toward Hillary)  – Yes?

Hillary – What?

2 (11)

Obama – You called me.

Hillary – I meant the other Lord.

Obama – There will be no other lords before me.

Hillary – What difference does it make which lord is where.

Obama – Hillary. You’re Fired.

Hillary – Idiot, I was quitting anyhow as soon as John Kerry gets sworn in.

Biden (points at Bloomberg)  – Boss , you want Vladmir… I mean Mayor Bloomberg here to take her out and let her sleep with the fishes?

Obama – No, you ignorant cracker! Besides the mafia does that not the Mayor of New York.

1 (22)

Biden  (talking directly to Bloomberg) So can you do that dance where it looks like you are squatting down and trying to kick a football at the same time?

Bloomberg – I’m not Vladmir Putin, Dammit!

Biden – Ooooh witness protection, huh?

Bloomberg (looking at Obama) – Why did you pick this fool?

Obama – Cause if I get impeached, there aint no way they are going to remove me from office for him to take over.

Biden – Plus I know where the best burger joints are.

Bloomberg – Burgers are illegal in New York…. or they are going to be.2 (6)

At this time Hillary gets up and begins wondering around the room, looking under lamps, chair cushions, behind pictures and under the presidents desk.

Obama – Hillary? What are you doing?

Hillary – I know there has to be some of Bill’s stash hidden in here, somewhere.

Feinstein (pulls a tiny hand rolled cigarette looking item from her purse) – Here dear, have one of mine.. (Looks around the room) What? I have a prescription for this.

Bloomberg – Smoking is illegal in New York…. or it will be.

Biden (looking at Bloomber) – Hey Bloomers, don’t Bogart that joint man.

Joe Biden

Obama – Do it like I do my politics folks.

Schumer – What?

Biden – He means puff, puff, pass, dumbass.

Tune in next time when we hear John Kerry and Al Gore say, in unison – Hey smoking marijuana leads to global warming.




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