One Fine Day In The Oval Office

We enter the Oval Office to see Barack Obama and his minions er… I mean the mainstream media discussing issues facing his presidency.

Obama – We have to figure out how to use these key issues for our gain.

Candy Crowley – Okay oh god one, give us the issues and we will create headlines.

Obama – Well in Texas they are trying to make abortion clinics cleaner and create standards for performing abortions. So that doctors have to be able to admit a woman to the hospital in case something goes wrong.

Crowley – Republicans Hate Women.

Obama – The republicans have effectively killed my immigration bill because we wouldn’t secure the border.

Matthews – Republicans Hate Mexicans.

Obama – I had to roll back obamacare as it applies to businesses for one year.

Crowley –  Republicans Hate The Uninsured.

Obama – My muslim brotherhood friend just got kicked out of office in Egypt and now I don’t know whether to crap or go blind.

Matthews – Republicans Hate Egyptians.

Obama – Hang on my dog groomer is on the phone…

Crowley – Republicans Hate Dogs.

Obama – No, that isn’t one of the issues….

Matthews – Republicans Hate The Issue Of Animal Rights.

Obama – No, I mean I am talking to the guy that has the grooming business, I took my dog to.

Crowley – Republicans Hate Small Businesses.

Obama – No. Yall wait a minute until I am through with this call.

Matthews – Republicans Hate Obama Phones.

Obama – Hang on a minute…… Look guys  this has nothing to do with the republicans.

Crowley – Republicans Are Inconsequential.

Obama – That is not a headline.. I’m not even talking about headlines right now.

Matthews – Republicans Hate Obama Headlines.

Obama – Good Lord, you guys are giving me a headache.

Crowley – Republicans Upset Presidents Stomach.

Obama – I  am not talking about my stomach.

Matthews  – Republicans Give President Diarrhea.

Obama – What? No. I don’t have diarrhea?

Crowley – Republicans Give President Gonorrhea?

Obama – What? Hell Naw! I aint never had no kind of sex with no republican.

Matthews – Republicans Hate Gay Sex With President.

Obama  – Have you lost your damn mind man? I have never had sex gay or otherwise with republicans.

Crowley  – President Abstains From Sex

Obama – That is not what I said.

Matthews – Republicans Try To Confuse The Issues.

Obama – Joe. I need you… and bring your shotgun.

Tune in next time when we hear  Joe Biden say. Just give a quick blast with both barrels.

To which Matthews makes the headline Biden Enjoys Three Way.
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