We enter the Oval Office to see Barack Obama and his minions er… I mean the mainstream media discussing issues facing his presidency.
Obama – We have to figure out how to use these key issues for our gain.
Candy Crowley – Okay oh god one, give us the issues and we will create headlines.
Obama – Well in Texas they are trying to make abortion clinics cleaner and create standards for performing abortions. So that doctors have to be able to admit a woman to the hospital in case something goes wrong.
Crowley – Republicans Hate Women.
Obama – The republicans have effectively killed my immigration bill because we wouldn’t secure the border.
Matthews – Republicans Hate Mexicans.
Obama – I had to roll back obamacare as it applies to businesses for one year.
Crowley – Republicans Hate The Uninsured.
Obama – My muslim brotherhood friend just got kicked out of office in Egypt and now I don’t know whether to crap or go blind.
Matthews – Republicans Hate Egyptians.
Obama – Hang on my dog groomer is on the phone…
Crowley – Republicans Hate Dogs.
Obama – No, that isn’t one of the issues….
Matthews – Republicans Hate The Issue Of Animal Rights.
Obama – No, I mean I am talking to the guy that has the grooming business, I took my dog to.
Crowley – Republicans Hate Small Businesses.
Obama – No. Yall wait a minute until I am through with this call.
Matthews – Republicans Hate Obama Phones.
Obama – Hang on a minute…… Look guys this has nothing to do with the republicans.
Crowley – Republicans Are Inconsequential.
Obama – That is not a headline.. I’m not even talking about headlines right now.
Matthews – Republicans Hate Obama Headlines.
Obama – Good Lord, you guys are giving me a headache.
Crowley – Republicans Upset Presidents Stomach.
Obama – I am not talking about my stomach.
Matthews – Republicans Give President Diarrhea.
Obama – What? No. I don’t have diarrhea?
Crowley – Republicans Give President Gonorrhea?
Obama – What? Hell Naw! I aint never had no kind of sex with no republican.
Matthews – Republicans Hate Gay Sex With President.
Obama – Have you lost your damn mind man? I have never had sex gay or otherwise with republicans.
Crowley – President Abstains From Sex
Obama – That is not what I said.
Matthews – Republicans Try To Confuse The Issues.
Obama – Joe. I need you… and bring your shotgun.
Tune in next time when we hear Joe Biden say. Just give a quick blast with both barrels.
To which Matthews makes the headline Biden Enjoys Three Way.
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