It was during the last meeting of the ARBHAA when the sad news of Stan’s near death experience caused by his eating of the wrong foods was first reported to us.
It seems Stan was at Big Joe’s Gulp-N-Go over in Mosquito Junction the other night and was eating a Big Bacon, Pork Rind, Barbecue Rib Sandwich and drinking large amounts of alcohol, when he reached over and grabbed a french fry off the plate of Sister Mary Catherine Pettibone, who attacked Stan and nearly choked him to death.
After hearing of this, we began discussing other foods that can lead to health problems.
Such stuff as a steady diet of potted meat which should be called creamed cholesterol because it clogs up everything.
Chili which could also be called windbreaker stew, especially if it is made with venison, it can not only blow up a bathroom but it can also clear out a moving vehicle.
Pork Rinds which always lead to accidents since it is a requirement in all southern states that if you eat Pork Rinds or Pork Skins of any type you must drink beer with them.
Of course the real shocker in all this was pickles.
It seems the statistics are pretty bad for you if you eat pickles.
Seems that 98.6% of everyone born in 1880 ate pickles and they are all dead.
94.7% of all soldiers ate pickles which shows that pickles lead to wars.
99% of all people involved in car accidents ate pickles, proving that pickles impair your driving ability.
99.2% of all people arrested for dui have eaten pickles, proving that pickles lead to alcohol consumption.
100% of all people that born in 1900 that ate pickles are either dead or very near death.
92.9% of militant islamist ate pickle,s proving that pickles lead to terrorism.
99.6% of politicians eat pickles, proving pickles lead to corruption and stupidity.
91.7% of visually impaired people ate pickles, proving pickles can blind you.
If you notice, pickles were very popular in ancient Greece and if you look around you will see there are no ancient Greeks alive today.
Pickles were a popular food source for the builders of the Egyptian pyramids and where are those guys today? All dead that’s where.
Pickles were served on the Titanic.
Adolph Hitler ate pickles proving that pickles lead to evil and atrocities.
George Washington ate pickles and not only did he have wooden teeth, but he died also.
John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald both ate pickles. Not only did they assassinate presidents but they are both dead.
If you eat pickles you must stop at once.
DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!
Pickles must be banned.