About Gary

Hunter, Fisherman, Wood Worker, Author, Artist, Songwriter, and All Around Great Guy.

Bow Season.


In Alabama bow season always starts right around October 15. That means from the date of my writing this to then you have a little over a month to prepare.

There’s nothing like bow hunting to test yourself. Whether you use a compound, recurve, longbow or crossbow, the thrill of watching that arrow hit its mark is exhilarating.

Here are a few tips for you (most bowhunters already know these)

1. Inspect.
Inspect your bow for cracks in the limbs, frayed strings or cables (if compound).
Check your sights, make sure everything is still where it should be.
If you use a release, check it and make sure that it is still working properly. A release that hangs or lets go to early, can mean the difference between a clean kill, a miss, or a wounded animal left to suffer.
If you use a stand inspect it thoroughly to make sure it is still in good working order.
Check your weight to make sure that your stand (if used) will still safely support you. Most hunting related accidents involve falls from stands.

2 Practice, practice, practice.
Practice shooting from different angles and different distances and with varying weather conditions. Not every shot is going to be from thirty yards, or forty, or ninety either for that matter. You want to be able to hit your target in different conditions, because most days when you are hunting, you’re not going to have the benefit of shooting a standing target, from thirty yards, with the sun against your back.
I practice shooting in the wind and in the rain, as well as under ideal conditions.
Practice stealth, being quiet in the woods  is far more important than most people realise, remember the animal you are hunting knows every sound that occurs in those woods, and when something is out of place they can sense it.
If you can hear it, see it or smell it, then you can bet they can too.
Practice safety, it’s great to get out there and kill that big buck, elk, bear, moose or whatever, but if you don’t make it home, then you have done absolutely no good. No one benefits from a hunting accident.

3. Know the laws.
Game laws and seasons vary from state to state, know your states laws before you step foot in the woods. Tickets are costly and jail time is more costly. Remember this a Conservation Officer (Game Warden) has heard every excuse you can think of and most judges will tell you that ignorance of the law is no excuse.
Make sure you have permission to be where you are when you are hunting or even crossing someone elses land. Written permission is required in a lot of states now, and if you are just crossing someone elses land to get to the land you hunt, if you are carrying your hunting gear (and why wouldn’t you be?) you are thought of as hunting that land.
Be polite to the conservation officers, the difference between a warning, a ticket, and going to jail, can often depend on your attitude and actions.

4. Kill no more than you need.
Don’t waste the life of an animal, just for the sake of saying you killed it. I have seen several carcasses laying where the hunter killed the animal and took only the head and antlers, leaving the meat, if you’re not going to eat it, there are others that will.
Conservation helps to ensure that there are animals left for other generations to hunt.

Hunting is a fun, challenging and sometimes dangerous hobby, it is one of the best ways to provide fresh meat that has not had any enhancements (preservatives, steroids, antibiotics) that store bought meat has.
It’s also a great way to enjoy nature at it’s finest, you and you alone pitting your wits against a better equipped animal.
That’s right when it comes to wits that animal is better equipped, you may have the bow, but that deer has the eyesight, the camouflage, the hearing and the sense of smell, not to mention the ability to sense when something is in the woods that doesn’t belong.
It is only through our ability to use tools (bows, firearms, etc…) that we actually can bring them home to the freezer.
Check out the selection of Archery Gear at Basspro.com.

Be safe, have fun and good hunting.

Hunting Season

I love to hunt, it’s one of the greatest ways to get back to your basic self.

Really it is, before we got all “technified”, “stupified”, “lazified” and “sensitized” (just another damn word that tries to make sissies out of everybody), man used to hunt.

We hunted deer, buffalo, goose, duck, sage hen, quail, chukker, moose, elk, bear, rabbit, and a large variety of other animals, and by God we ate them. We used their hides for clothing and shelter, and their bones and claws for jewelry, glue, needles and other things.

Now days, you have all the whiny asses out there hollering about how ‘you shot Bambi’. Or animals are our friends, or animals have rights too.

Well let me tell you jackasses something, first, Bambi was a cartoon, got it.
For those that think animals are our friends, sure maybe the old family dog, but go into the wild and try to discuss home decorating tips with a pack of wolves. Hell ask Timothy Treadwell about it. Oh that’s right you can’t because he was eaten by a grizzly bear.
For all you animal rights activists, when animals start having free elections and quit relying on survival of the fittest, then I will believe in animal rights. Now this don’t mean that I am condoning mis-treatment, or torture to animals, because I’m not….. well except maybe to cats…… naa, I take that back,  just because they torture their victims and are emissaries of satan, I don’t agree with torturing cats either.

Getting back to my original thoughts, before the tangent, I love to hunt, but it seems these days there are many people out there that do not know how to hunt.
Here are a few rules, (although not nearly all of them).

1.  Never use another hunters stand without their permission. Unless of course there is no way that they will ever find out.

2.  Never steal another hunters stand. However, if they have successfully killed more game than you have, it is alright to borrow their seat cushions but only until the end of hunting season.

3.  Never urinate in the woods near your stand. Wild animals have a keen sense of smell, and although you might not smell it, they can smell the scent of your urine for miles, depending on the wind. However if you have a guy that kills the most deer and rubs it in at the lodge every evening, peeing near his stand is allowed.

4.  Never take a woman hunting with you. There are a few reasons for this, women have to pee more often than men.
Women have a harder time sitting still and doing nothing than we do.
Women tend to wear hairspray and perfume/deodorant that animals can smell.
But the biggest reason is that if she kills a bigger animal than you do, you will never hear the end of it.

5.  Drinking and firearms do not go together, as a survivor of several ‘Turkey Shoots’ and two hunting clubs, I can tell you the last thing a drunk needs in his hands is a firearm, especially when everyone else has successfully killed their limit.

6.  Always be prepared. This means take the proper supplies, water, rope, a good knife, matches (or a lighter) gloves, extra shirt and toilet paper (yes there are certain leaves you do not want to wipe with).

7.  Be prepared to get bloody, if you kill something you have to dress it out, which means gut it and skin it usually, although in the case of deer, most people now days take them to a processor and let them skin it, but they still have to gut them. In my case I get bloody, not so much because I kill something, but because I usually wind up in the middle of a briar patch somewhere, or from falling off a bluff.

8. Sight in your rifle, one shot, should result in one kill. Don’t make the animal suffer, take it quickly, granted a gunshot is far more humane than being eaten alive by a pack of wolves, coyotes, grizzlies, ferrets, or any other animal, but still always try to kill it quickly. A rifle that is well sighted in, means usually one shot does the job. Although I have regrettably made a few trees and one fence post needlessly suffer, during some of my hunting trips.
The trees recovered nicely, but I am sure they were stressed.
The fence post was never the same again.

9.  Never kill more than you need, if you find that you have taken more game than you want, give it to a needy family, I am sure there are some out there that would gladly accept some venison or other wild game, or you could send it to me, I seem to have been in a dry spell for the last thirty some odd years.

10. Make sure of what you are shooting and what is behind it. I’ve seen so many people who thought they were shooting a deer and ended the life of Farmer Jones’ cow, sure the steaks are bigger, but Farmer Jones will probably miss his cow, and worse he may not let you hunt on his property anymore.

11. Make sure you have written permission from the landowner, before you hunt any part of their land. It also helps to make sure of who the land owner is.  Trust me on that last one, it’s hard to explain to someone who owns the land that they gave you permission to hunt it, when you have never actually met them.

12. Keep up with the laws, they change year to year. It used to be if you shot a deer you had the right to collect it if it ran onto someone elses land before it died. Now you must have permission to cross anyone elses land for any reason what-so-ever. In Alabama, it is also illegal to take a deer alive or dead from water. It is illegal to shoot from the road, or even near the road, and trust me on this one, shooting from your truck in the middle of the night is highly illegal. ( I personally have never done this, but I can’t speak for my redneck-er friends).

Seriously though, when you hunt, use common sense. Be Safe.

Always keep up with the game laws and the seasons as they vary state to state.

Always respect the land and the land owner as you would want yourself and your property to be respected.

Teach your kids to hunt, because one day with the way this country is going, they may have to in order to survive.

For more on hunting in Alabama click here

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A Poem by Me

The grass was high and could not wait
I knew the lawnmower was awaiting my fait

I fired it up and made a pass
lowering the level of that tall tall grass

the cat was watching and following me
as I pushed that mower, weaving around the tree

the flower in the yard could now be seen
with blooms of red and stems of green

as it always does when the lawn I mow
clouds moved in and the wind did blow

a gust of air moved my hat to the ground
I searched for it and turned around

it was at the moment I reached to retrieve my hat
that I did indeed mow that damn cat

all nine of its lives must have fled
as the poor old cat splattered all over my shed

I felt really bad and knew not what to do
so for supper that night, we all had stew.


The night was moonless and dark, the type of night when your shadow can’t even see your shadow.
The old man sat beside the barrel, drinking a bottle of cheap rum, wishing that he had more wood for the fire.
Gazing intently into the fire that bellowed forth from the barrel, the old man never saw what hit him.
The bottle fell to the ground, as did the old man, his body growing cold as it fell, his eyes glazing over,  his heart no longer beating.
It would be three days before anyone found his mutilated remains.
Ray Bob, Tom, and Slim were taking a short cut through the old abandoned textile mill.
“What the hell is that smell?” asked Ray Bob.
“I think it’s a dead dog or a possum.” said Slim.
“Whew. I aint never smelled no possum or dog that smelled like that.” Tom added.
As they rounded the corner from the old loading dock and entered what had once been a warehouse, the smell got stronger, the three men saw the lump laying by the old fire barrel.
“See, I told you it was a possum.” said Slim.
“Well I have never seen a possum, wearing a wristwatch.” said Tom.
Ray Bob reached down and picked up the remains of the old mans arm. “Hey it’s a Timex.” He said as he removed the watch and put it in his pocket.
“Hey that watch might have some inscription on it so that someone might be able to identify this guy.” said Tom.
Ray Bob pulled the watch back out from his pocket and spread the band far enough to look at the back of it.
“Well?” asked Slim.
“You’re right.” said Ray Bob.
“What does it say?” Asked Tom.
“It says, Dear Ray Bob, enjoy your new watch, I don’t need it anymore, love the old dead guy.” Ray Bob said as he placed the watch back into his pocket.
Just then a noise startled the three men, turning around they saw…….
To be continued….
Now NBC this is what I am talking about.
Cancel a freaking show, and leave it in a cliffhanger.
Who the hell is Earl Jr.’s daddy if it aint Darnell?
You bastards!

The Old Man

Sat on the porch step, watching, waiting and gazing intently at the plant. The bloom opened, the petals spread and a beautiful bearded iris flower displayed its glory to the world.
The old man walked inside, his job was done for the day.

The old man sat on the porch step, watching the iris. A butterfly landed. Then another, they mated, the old man walked inside, his job was done for the day.

The old man sat on the porch step, the rain fell, the streams swelled in their banks, the old man walked inside, his job was done for the day.

The old man sat on the porch step, he watched the crops grow in his garden, he saw the fruit of his trees spring forth, he plucked out the weeds, he repelled the bad insects. The old man harvested, then the old man went inside, his job was done for the day.

The old man sat on the porch step, he watched as time moved around him, how long had he sat there, how much had he observed? The old man watched the children grow to become adults, the old man went inside, his job was done for the day.

The old man sat on the porch step, he watched the animals as they made their way across his lawn. When the last animal had passed the old man went inside, his job was done for the day.

The old man sat on the porch step, he did nothing, he had watched plenty, and knew there would be plenty more to see. 
The old man went inside, his job was done for the week.

I Don’t Like Golf.

Okay most everyone knows what golf is.
Some folks spend thousands each year to play golf, and then there are some of us that just can’t stand it.
My brother is in the first category, whereas I fall into the second.
It’s not so much the game of golf itself, it’s the challenge or lack there of, in the game of golf. You go out on the field and whack a ball trying to knock it a few hundred yards into a little bitty hole.
Could it get any simpler?
I went with my brother one time and watched him whack the ball toward this little flag that was almost out of my sight.  So when it was my turn, I whacked the ball into a trucks windshield.  
Now there were probably twenty cars in that parking lot that day, and did I hit the ball into any of their windshields? Noooooo. I knocked that sucker right into the windshield of the only truck in the parking lot. Mine.
So I put another ball onto the little stick thingy they call a tee, and whacked it, not the ball the tee.
My brother being the golf pro of the family showed me a different stance and technique, which helped me send the ball almost straight up, angling toward a tree, and landing in a squirrels nest.
I am omitting the third because it just was not pretty, lets just say there was a lot of hopping around and cussing from the third attempt.
The fourth attempt, saw the little golf ball roll off the roof of the clubhouse and bounce off the head of one of the patrons.
My fifth and final attempt saw the ball actually go toward the little flag (I let my brother hit it for me).
By the way, left handed clubs cost a lot of money, especially if you return them to the clubhouse and they are slightly bent into the shape of horseshoes, although they say that the one that slipped out of my hand is still stuck through the tree. Luckily I found this place, that have some pretty good deals so that I could replace those clubs and get the lawsuit dropped.
After we got down to where the golf balls were lying in the grass, I watched my brother hit the ball with this other little golf club and move it within about three feet of the flag. My turn. I hit the ball and it went straight toward the flag pole then somehow or another it boomeranged on me and came back toward me, causing me to duck, which caused the ball to collide with the left side of my brothers face, which caused little birds and stars to circle my head, I later found out that somehow or another the golf club he was holding collided with the top of my head.
He swears it was an accident and that he was only trying to defend himself from my wayward golf ball.
The next move saw him swat his golfball with a thing he called a putter and knock it into the hole. I swatted my golf ball seven more times and knocked it into a lake.  Since I only had one golf ball left and all of my clubs were falling victim to various deformities, I decided to throw the ball at the flag.
After six failed attempts at chucking golf balls, and one lopsided throw into a hornets nest, I decided to have a beer and watch my brother play.
Apparently this particular golf course frowns on the consumption of beer, when you are driving the golf cart.
How freaking petty can you get?
Those bushes grew back, and the cows didn’t do much damage. Besides I fixed the fence.
So anyway, after posting bond, replacing the clubs, repairing the fence, and replacing my windshield I have decided that golf is not a sport. It is a form of torture. If you want the taliban to talk, threaten them with golf.  On second thought the Geneva Convention probably won’t allow that.  
Those of you that enjoy golf, I just have this to say. “Masochists.”

2009 The Greatest Season Ever, A tribute to the Crimson Tide

The 2009 Crimson Tide has achieved what no other Alabama football team has ever done. In fact they have achieved a few things that no other Alabama team has done, and no other team in college football has done.
They have gone 14-0, won a Heisman Trophy, a Butkus award, The Broyles award, the SEC Championship, and the AP, and BCS National Championships.
Before this year Coach Nick Saban has never had back to back ten win seasons, this year he has had back to back perfect seasons.
A couple of other things to hit on is the fact that Coach Saban is the first head coach to win two National Championships at two different schools, since the AP first started in 1936.
He is also the first Head Coach to take two seperate teams to the SEC championship game.
Last but definitely not least, Coach Saban is the first Alabama head coach to defeat the Texas Longhorns.
The season had its ups and downs, there were a couple of games that were too close for comfort.
These same games proved that this Alabama team would not be denied.
The Tennessee game really showed the toughness of Alabama or else they took Tennessee to lightly, having to rely on not one but two blocked field goals (by Terrence Cody) to retain a win.
The Auburn game showed the resolution that Auburn had in shutting down Alabama’s running game and taking Mark Ingram out of it.
However Auburn in their haste to make Ingram our most valuable player on that day overlooked the receivers that Alabama has on it’s roster, which allowed Alabama to come from behind and win the game, by throwing the ball.
After leading most of the game, you could hear the hearts as they were ripped out and broken in War Eagle country, as Alabama put together a final game winning drive.
Sometimes a close victory is sweeter than a blow out, especially when the other teams fans, thinking they have won, have already started trash talking, only to have their mascot go from an eagle to a crow.
The SEC Championship game would see a much improved Crimson Tide, feeling they had something to prove after last years disappointing loss, come out and take control of the ball game from the opening kickoff to the final seconds of the game.
Then 32 days would go by as Alabama prepared for it’s toughest match up yet (supposedly) against the Texas Longhorns. Texas was 8-0-1 all time against Alabama.
With a few questionable wins in their last three victories, Texas would not have the benefit of SWC  officiating, instead this year an unbiased Big East crew would call the game.
Not only would the Texicans miss out on biased officiating but, their starting quarterback would sell them out on their opening drive of the ball game, allegedly injuring his shoulder he took himself out of the game.
My opinion (and this is just my opinion) is that McCoy realized how hard Alabama’s defense hits and decided he did not want to report to the NFL Draft that he was injured, so he removed himself from the game to avoid injury.
I’ll be honest and say that I used to have a lot of respect for the University of Texas, it’s fans and it’s coaching staff, but after listening to all of the whining and crying, I really have to say when it comes to the Big Twelve conference, I will be happy to stand up and cheer Boomer Sooner, louder than ever before.
One of the things that really gets me is so called sports reporters saying that Alabama should have an Asterisk beside this win, because of McCoy.  My question is does Texas have an Asterisk beside it’s win over Oklahoma because of Bradford? Oh wait Texican logic says that is different. What is it about teams that wear orange and have the initials UT in them, that makes them whine so much?
It’s not Bama’s fault that Watson Brown’s little brother didn’t have a back up qb prepared to play the game.
If McElroy would have went out, then Bama would have replaced him with true Freshman A.J. McCarron most likely, and if we had won or lost, it would still have been a team effort. I guess Texas is Colt McCoy and then everyone else.
Well time will tell if Alabama can do it again.
In the meantime here is the schedule and results of Alabamas 2009 Season.

9/05 vs. No. 7 Virginia Tech 1-0 (0-0) W 34-24
9/12 FIU 2-0 (0-0) W 40-14
9/19 North Texas 3-0 (0-0) W 53-7
9/26 Arkansas 4-0 (1-0) W 35-7
10/03 @ Kentucky 5-0 (2-0) W 38-20
10/10 @ No. 20 Mississippi 6-0 (3-0) W 22-3
10/17 No. 22 South Carolina 7-0 (4-0) W 20-6
10/24 Tennessee 8-0 (5-0) W 12-10
11/07 No. 9 LSU 9-0 (6-0) W 24-15
11/14 @ Mississippi State 10-0 (7-0) W 31-3
11/21 Chattanooga 11-0 (7-0) W 45-0
11/27 @ Auburn 12-0 (8-0) W 26-21
12/05 vs. No. 1 Florida 13-0 (8-0) W 32-13
1/07 vs. No. 2 Texas 14-0 (8-0) W 37-21


Roll Tide!

The Little Girl On The Plane

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when he turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk.
I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’ 
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’ 
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the  congressman. ‘How about global warming or universal health care’, and he smiles smugly.
OK, ‘ she said. ‘Those could be  interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’ 
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’ 
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don’t know crap?