It was a typical day, the big weird guy was up wandering around the house, mumbling and grumbling to himself.
The caring woman was cooking some breakfast.
The loud boy was still asleep in his room.
Spookie Marie Moosebaum was perched on the back of the recliner in the living room observing everything that was going on around her.
Elroy J. Catt slowly walked through the house surveying everything with an icy but steady gaze.
“Meow.” Said Elroy which is cat language for “What are you cooking there, little lady.”
“Did you just call me little lady and why are you wearing that hat?” The caring woman asked.
“Meow.” Replied Elroy which is cat language for “I sure did and I’m wearing the hat to keep the sun out my eyes.”
“You’re inside.” Said the caring woman as she went back to her cooking.
By this time the big weird guy walked into the kitchen to see Elroy leaning up against the refrigerator.
“What in the wide world of sports are you doing?” The big weird guy asked.
“Meow.” Elroy replied which is cat language for “Well pilgrim, I’m standing here waiting on some grub.”
“There are no grubs in here.” The big weird guy responded. “Where did you get that hat?”
“Meow.” Said Elroy which is cat language for “Ebay.”
“Ebay? What the heck are you doing on Ebay and how are you paying for that stuff?” The big weird guy asked.
“Meow.” Elroy said in response which is cat language for “I’m on Ebay buying up John Wayne memorabilia and as far as paying for it I used your credit card like you said for me to do.”
“Oh John Wayne memorabilia is pretty cool, what all have you…….wait MY CREDIT CARD? I never told you to use my credit card!” The big weird guy exclaimed.
“Meow.” Elroy said which is cat language for “You didn’t? Hmm must have been Spookie that told me that.”
Turning and swaggering out of the kitchen Elroy walked back into the living room as the big weird guy rushed to his computer to check his card balance.
“HOLY FISHHOOKS AND CARDIO!” The big weird guy shouted. “Somebody has ordered a ton of western stuff off the internet!”
Elroy glanced up at the big weird guy. “Meow.” He said which is cat language for “Well you’re the one that told me to take up a hobby that didn’t involve shredding toilet paper.”
Elroy turned and walked back into the living room glancing up at Spookie, who was still sitting on the back of the recliner he said. “What are you doing up there little lady?”
“Hmmph! How dare you speak to me, you dirty old trail hand.” Spookie replied.
“I’m not a dirty old trail hand.” Elroy said. “I’m Cathill, U.S. Marshall, and I’ve got the True Grit to prove it. Now I’m looking for some Commancheros that passed this way over night. You seen anything?”
“I’ve seen a three gallon head in a ten gallon hat if that means anything to you.” Spookie responded.
“Hey! Don’t talk about the big weird guy like that.” Elroy said and then added “That’s not very nice.”
“I wasn’t talking about him, because then it would be a ten gallon head in a three gallon hat.” Spookie said.
“I can hear both of you.” The big weird guy said to the cats.
“Meee?” Spookie asked which is cat language for “Well if you can hear us then why don’t you ever listen when we tell you what cat food to buy?”
“Meow!” Elroy added which is cat language for “Yeah Pilgrim.”
“Okay that is it no more John Wayne marathons for you Elroy.” The big weird guy said.
“Meow?” Elroy asked which is cat language for “Oh I suppose you would rather watch Dirty Dancing for the three hundredth time like Spookie does?”
“Okay now that is just going to make me throw up.” The big weird guy said.
“What the heck is this a life size stagecoach replica? WE ARE CANCELLING THAT ORDER!” The big weird guy shouted.
“Meow.” Elroy said which is cat language for “Fine I didn’t need that stagecoach anyhow. It’s kind of hard to pull it when all I’ve got is one mule and Spookie.”
“One mule and Spookie can’t pull no stagecoach anyway.” Said the big weird guy. “Wait? What mule?”
“Meow.” Said Elroy which is cat language for “The mule I had to buy all of that mule feed for.”
“NO! WE ARE NOT HAVING A MULE AROUND HERE!” The big weird guy shouted.
“I told you he would have a conniption.” Spookie said to Elroy.
“That’s it we are sending back everything.” The big weird guy said.
“Meow.” Responded Elroy which is cat language for “Sure, right after you apologize.”
“Apologize for what?” The big weird guy asked.
“Meow.” Said Elroy with a steely gaze as he squinted his eyes which is cat langauge for “Apologize to my mule, he thinks you were laughing at him, now I don’t have a problem with it myself, but my mule he gets a little ornery when he thinks people are laughing at him, so when you apologize and I know you’re going to, then we can get started sending stuff back.”
“Okay, that’s it. From now on it’s only Cartoon Network for you buster.” The big weird guy said to Elroy.
“Meow.” Said Elroy which is cat language for “Fine.”
Elroy slowly turned away from the big weird guy and swaggered his way back into the kitchen.
Join us next time when we hear the big weird guy ask.. “Who ordered all of these wrestling pay per views and why is Elroy trying to put me in the figure four leglock?”